Group Therapy for Adults Dealing with Chronic People-Pleasing in Portland, Oregon
You've spent your whole life making yourself small to keep the peace.
Group therapy helps you practice taking up space — with others who get it.
You might be here because…
You say yes when you mean no (and then maybe spend the next three days resenting everyone). You agreed to help, to attend, to accommodate — and now you're furious at people for asking, even though you never said no.
You can't remember the last time you stated a preference without apologizing or checking everyone else's first. "Where do you want to eat?" feels like a trap. Your instinct is "wherever you want" even when you're starving and have opinions.
You've been told you're "too nice" or "so easy to work with" and it makes you want to scream. You're not nice — you're exhausted. You're not easy — you're afraid. And no one sees the cost.
Conflict feels like death. Even minor disagreements make your chest tight. The thought of someone being upset with you is unbearable, so you twist yourself into whatever shape keeps the peace.
You manage everyone's emotions while completely abandoning your own. You can read a room instantly, adjust to what people need, smooth over tension — but you have no idea what you actually feel.
You know you people-please but you can't seem to stop in the moment. You've tried setting boundaries. You've read the books. But when someone asks something of you, your mouth says yes before your brain catches up.
Why people-pleasing is so hard to change alone:
It's relational: People-pleasing shows up in relationships, so you need relational practice to change it
It's a survival strategy: You learned to abandon yourself to stay safe/loved/accepted—your nervous system is wired for it
Insight doesn't cut it: Knowing you people-please doesn't stop you from doing it in real time
You need witnesses: Changing this pattern requires practicing being real with others, not just in therapy with one person
Individual therapy has limits: You can talk about people-pleasing, but group is where you actually practice setting boundaries, taking up space, being honest
Why group therapy works for people-pleasing patterns
Real-time relational practice:
You can't people-please your way through group (or you can, and people will call you on it 😩)
You practice saying what you actually think/feel with others working on the same things
Immediate feedback helps you see what you can't see alone
Multiple perspectives:
Other people in group will name dynamics you're unconscious of
You see your patterns reflected in others (less shame when it's not just you!)
You learn that being honest doesn't destroy relationships
Safe experimentation:
Group is a controlled environment to practice being "difficult," stating preferences, setting boundaries
You can mess up and repair in real time
You build tolerance for being disliked/disappointing people
Ongoing support:
Weekly or bi-weekly groups provide consistent practice (not just 50 minutes once a week)
Affordable compared to individual therapy or intensives
Community of people who understand what you're navigating
Want to learn more about how process groups work and what to expect? Learn more about process groups.
How we work with people-pleasing in process groups:
Groups use a process-oriented, relational approach (not psychoeducational or skills-based). This means:
We focus on what's happening between people in the room right now
We notice patterns as they emerge (not just talk about them retrospectively)
We practice being authentic in real time, with witnesses
The group itself is the intervention — not a therapist lecturing about boundaries
Group themes often include:
Practicing honesty even when it feels scary
Learning to tolerate conflict and repair
Sitting with the discomfort of being disliked
Noticing when you're performing vs. being real
Taking up space without apologizing
Asking for what you need
Moving through disappointment when others can’t meet you
You say yes when you mean no, then resent everyone for asking. You've built a life around managing other people's feelings while completely abandoning your own.
You can't remember the last time you stated a preference without checking everyone else's first. "What do you want to do?" feels like a trick question. Your default is "whatever you want."
Conflict terrifies you—even the thought of disappointing someone makes you spiral. You've spent your whole life keeping the peace, smoothing things over, making yourself small so no one gets upset.
You know intellectually that you people-please, but you can't seem to stop in real time. Reading about boundaries didn't help. Talking about it in individual therapy didn't help. You need to actually practice being honest with witnesses.
You're tired of performing niceness. You're exhausted from being the "easy" one, the accommodating one, the one who never causes problems. You want to know what it feels like to take up space.
You're ready for ongoing relational practice, not just a one-time breakthrough. You know this pattern runs deep. You're willing to commit to showing up consistently (weekly or bi-weekly) to actually shift it.
You want affordable ongoing support. Individual therapy at $200+/session isn't sustainable long-term. Group offers continued experiential work at a fraction of the cost.
Group might be a good fit if…
This might NOT be right if:
You're in acute crisis and need individual support first (group requires some baseline stability)
You're not ready to be vulnerable in front of others (group requires willingness to be seen)
You want psychoeducation about boundaries (our groups are process-oriented, not didactic)
You can't commit to consistent attendance (groups require showing up, not dropping in sporadically)
Current groups & how to join
Groups meet weekly via Zoom and serve clients throughout Oregon, including Portland, Eugene, Salem, and beyond. New members are welcomed through a consultation process to ensure fit and readiness. Participants commit to at least six sessions to support a stable and safer environment.
Relational Rewire
Tuesdays, 5:30-7:00 PM Pacific
Currently accepting new participants interested in meeting at other times during the week.
This group focuses on attachment dynamics and the ways we disconnect or anxiously pursue connection. If you struggle with trust, closeness, avoidance, or fear of rejection, this group offers a space to explore those patterns and begin shifting them in real time with others who are doing the same.
Messy, Human, & Here
Thursdays, 5:30-7:00 PM Pacific
This group is for people trying to stay emotionally present in a world that feels like it's falling apart. We hold space for political and existential overwhelm, interpersonal vulnerability, and the messiness of real life. You don't have to show up polished.
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Weekly 90-minute Zoom sessions.
Members are expected to attend for at least 6 sessions to help foster a sense of trust and stability for the group.
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$80 per session is the baseline rate. Members are welcome to pay $90 or $100 in order to contribute to sliding scale slots.
Limited sliding scale available. Superbills available upon request.
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Schedule a free 20-minute consultation
If group feels like a good fit, we'll add you to the waitlist or current cohort
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Consider a therapy intensive first to do deeper work on your people-pleasing patterns, then join group for ongoing practice.